I was reading an adoption book* off a suggested reading list last week. It made me so sad and angry I had to throw it in the trash. At least that is one copy that won’t be put back into circulation.
I’m sure the book had its good points. I’m sure the book is probably helpful for some adoptive parents and a lot of adopted children. But to me- someone who is choosing to adopt an infant, someone who is choosing to adopt rather than try any infertility treatments, someone who desperately wants to raise a child- the book was highly discouraging and damaging. I’d be surprised if a lot of people who read it before adopting didn’t change their minds and decide not to adopt.
I read about half of it. In that half of the book, I was offended and misguided (IMO). The author suggests that adopted children, no matter at what age they were adopted, live with so much grief and guilt that you- the adoptive parent- will in no way be able to fully comfort and console them throughout their life. She basically makes the blanket statement that these children are all victims and should be treated as such.
I ranted on several websites about this book last week, so that is the last of what I’m going to say about the book. On Amazon.com, there are several bad reviews by adult adoptees. But there are also many good reviews.
This led me to search opinions of adult adoptees and their experiences.
This didn't help.
The majority of what I found is adult adoptees that seem to be bitter. They are angry and hurt and frustrated. (And please don't attack me for making that statement- each person has a right to feel the way they do.)
The fact that they feel this way makes me sad.
I know nothing about these people’s lives. I don’t know when or where they were adopted. I don’t know how they were raised.
But as a future parent to a child that was not born from my womb, it really frightens me to think that in 20-30 years, that might be my child voicing his/her opinion against adoption. I truly hope and pray that is not the case. But who knows.
Should it scare me away from parenting a child? No. Why? Because I will love my child(ren) with everything I’ve got and my husband and I will raise him(them) to the best of our abilities. We hope and pray we will raise him(them) in a way they cannot speak out against.
While I’d love to hear that all adult adoptees are blessed and have positive opinions of adoption, I have to face reality. Everything doesn’t always turn out so hunky-dory. I guess it is always good to see that there are two sides to each situation, but that doesn’t mean I have to finish a book with such a bleak outlook.
*Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew- Eldridge