Wisdom brightens a person's face and changes its hard appearance. -Ecclesiatstes 8:1

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Caged in Worry

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” -Phil 4:6

I’m trying Lord, I really am.

But as my husband and I get closer to the deadline we set for ourselves to completing our adoption Home Study, I can’t help but be human and worry.

I’m not necessarily worried that it won’t go well. There is nothing to make me think we won’t “pass inspection”.

I am more worried about the step that comes after that. After we pay the money to be evaluated on our abilities to take in a child, it will be time to decide if we are ready to officially put our name in the running with an agency/lawyer.

Don’t get me wrong, if I could take a child into my home today, I would in a heartbeat. But I am concerned about being able to pay for the adoption post-home study. I’m concerned about being able to pay for the lawyer/agency fees and any other fees that go along with the process. I’m concerned about a being matched and taking in a child when I don’t know if we are financially ready. I’m concerned about taking “maternity leave” from work. Ultimately, I’m concerned about being able to provide for a baby with both time and money.

All of these concerns, in my opinion, are things that people who are just able to get pregnant don’t think about, they just do. But here in adoption-land, you have nothing but time to think about these things and worry.

I really am trying not to be anxious, knowing that God will provide for both us and for any child He sends our way. However, the sinner in me falls back into that trap. I am caged in worry. I know that not every adoptive family starts out debt-free and financially fit, but I don’t know how they do it. I wish I did.

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