Wisdom brightens a person's face and changes its hard appearance. -Ecclesiatstes 8:1

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Here’s why…

It’s so funny that when I mention that hubby and I are planning on adoption, everyone offers their opinions, or tells us that so-and-so adopted and we should talk to them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for advice and I do appreciate the input. I guess what I want people to know is that we’ve already done TONS of research and we’ve probably heard everything “so-and-so” would tell us.

We have chosen to make our own way in this adventure. Here’s why…

1. We don’t want to go into debt for it. After our initial excitement, going so far as to fill out the pages upon pages of homestudy paperwork, we realized there is no way we could take care of a child the way WE want to if we went into this with the debt we already had and anymore we might take on. It just isn’t an option for us; at least not one that we would choose. I understand that people do it all the time. They take out loans to adopt children and I get that there isn’t a better investment in this world than a child. But we believe in the importance of being able to teach our children the debt free lifestyle and don’t want to be hypocritical about it (even though they wouldn’t have to know). We also believe in the importance of living without debt in order to be in a happy marriage/family with no underlying stress…a stress that debt would surely cause.

2. I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t qualify for grants. I’ve looked into them, but I think we make too much. Or we wouldn’t qualify for whatever reason. But that’s okay. I’m not sure I would feel right taking someone else’s money when we need to pay off our debt…pay for mistakes we made. There are other people out there who need the money more than we do. I don’t want to take away their chances of getting it.

3. We would like a child under 2 to start with and maybe, later on, we would be willing to adopt an older child. But as for now, we both agree that we want the baby experience. I have been told time and time again by people who know someone who has adopted a baby from foster care that we should go that route. I don’t doubt that those people are telling me the truth, but when we’ve talked to the people in charge of foster care adoptions, we have basically been laughed at when we ask about children under 2. Those kids, the majority of the time, go back to their parents, which is great! I’m all for children and their biological parents working things out together. But hubby and I could NEVER stand the pain of having a child in our home to love and then that child being taken away from us. Yes, it is great for the child (hopefully), but not for our hearts. We just don’t have it in us, especially when we have suffered so much heartbreak over infertility.

I know there is probably someone out there who knows someone who knows someone we should talk to. And believe me, we’d like to talk to them. But perhaps their opinions on adoption and debt don’t match ours, and that is hard to explain when people have already done their own thing. We would like to meet other people with our same opinions on adopting that have successfully accomplished it. But at this point, we haven’t actually found those people.

As much as it hurts, we are willing to wait until we are financially ready. I just want people to understand that. We aren’t rejecting their advice or opinions. We would love to talk about our situation. It’s just that we have done research, have listened to people’s stories, have read about all the options and we’ve made our decisions. In time we will have our own story about our adoption adventure and I hope that people will be willing to listen to it and learn from it.

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